00,000
2010. Tumblr.
That was how I was exposed to National Novel Writing Month.
Within the achingly lonely, thigh-gap-obsessed community of Tumblr, there was another community. My first impression of it was seeing strife find ease and belonging in this month-long gift of purpose.
I remember loving the community I felt in it even then, though I never considered doing it myself. Writing was something I didn’t want to do on anyone's or anything else’s schedule. It was too private. Too intimate. It meant too much. I was afraid of any perceived failure. Thankfully, Medium is helping me with that.
I’d never believed I could complete it. 50,000. I’d never looked at it long enough to see that it was achievable. I wasn’t sure if I had ever written one project that topped or even reached that checkpoint. Now, when talking of all of my projects over the years? Oh, a dozen times over.
2020. Starbucks.
Earlier this fall I, without much forethought or planning, decided to take my laptop to my neighbourhood Starbucks. This was not done with the intent to write. I simply brought it along so I would have options: I could work on several projects (some that include writing), but I could also just watch videos or a movie, scroll through Facebook, or research and learn about something new.
I went back to Starbucks the next day… and the next… and continued to do so for nearly three months and only stopped because of recent Covid restrictions. The generic, too-sweet wall art that hangs at this particle location says ‘Pour your heart into it’. Initially, it felt ironic, but the longer I have gone and the more beneficial the habit has grown for me, the headier the sign feels.
Pour your heart into it.
The statement remains as constant as ever, as does my work when I’m there.
50,000
This splash paint/graffiti-esque positude hangs steadily on the wall, day after day, with no mockery or laughter. It carried no judgment of my writing and unlike family and friends, it never remarked on how “cringe” it was to partake in conventional behaviour such as hanging out at the corporation. It doesn’t minimize or make guilty the pleasure I receive from the habit, the atmosphere, nor the people I have befriended there.
The sign’s indifference was a master’s silence during my first NaNoWriMo. It remained indifferent, sturdy, and encouraging. The words don’t imply what I need to make or who I need to be or what is or isn’t good enough. It just tells me to do. Whether that be my best or my worst that day, still, to do it.
This year, for the first time I thought of NaNoWriMo as an experiment. I simply thought of it as a what-if. I started with no investment in completing 50,000 words. I just wanted to see how many I would get. I took out the expectation for it to be good, and the more I refrained from that the easier it was to reach flow. Once you can suspend thought and let flow happen (as it is always waiting to do), sixteen hundred words a day is nothing!
Some of the things I believe helped me cultivate this habit and pave the way for me to reach that goal were:
- I came to realize how writing is therapeutic for me. I had many blessings in disguise this year. Beyond counseling, medication, personal leave from work, and much much rest, I found writing to be a strong tool in maintaining my awareness of myself. That necessity, like that of food or human connection, ties me to writing. It is that gratitude and peace I have reflected on that underpins the beginning: the turning point between writing vs. not writing. From there….
- Medium I started writing on this platform two months before NaNoWriMo. It helped me establish the practice of writing as well as gave me the allowance to write in smaller segments or projects. I adore novels and ultimately that is the ideal in my mind, but to fiddle with smaller pieces is just as valuable and is fundamental in the process of crafting your writing.
- Starbucks The point of Starbucks is to find yourself a place that is just yours; not your spouses, your parents, or your children’s. I have a wonderful desk that I love to work at but in all reality when other people are home and I am surrounded by tasks I’m supposed to be completing all the while others are distracting me and fighting for my attention, I am remarkably less productive. Starbucks is my office to write. Nothing else matters there.
So please remember the validity in the process itself and not just in the words you choose. Remember any practice is good practice. Lastly, remember to not undermine the ritual which accompanies the habit and environment you write in because it matters. A place can make or break your focus and therefore the product of your time.
114,000
At the end of November, I not only took stock of the fact that I finished the first draft of a novel I’ve been fiddling around with for six years; but also of the word count of a project that I worked on from October through November. Together, the two projects brought me to a total of one hundred and fourteen thousand words (rounded down to an even thousand).
That number doesn’t include the words I wrote as notes, journal entries, dozens of articles (first to final drafts), or letters to loved ones.
Whether it be writing a letter to my sister to tell her how she’s hurt me, an album reflection I wanted to share with my mom due to shared experiences, a reflection piece when my uncle dies, or a love letter to my soon-to-be-husband about my fears of fucking up this wonderful thing we got going, the written word is how I best interact with the world around me.
I have found that I am better set to face the world when I’ve actively taken steps to express myself. Otherwise, all that I feel builds up and I grow agitated, anxious, or depressed. This insight that I gained through fallible practice is priceless and of the utmost importance for my mental health.
And so I feel as though I have come full circle by returning to NaNoWriMo. After all this time, I am now a part of that community, and it is now a part of my coming back to writing. It feels like greeting a younger me. It feels like a remembering of who I am.
